“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” [C. S. Lewis]
The name of this blog is inspired by the idea that “perhaps our asking “where is God?” is like fish asking “where is water?” To us, it would seem ridiculous that fish have to ask where is water when they live in and are surrounded by it; likewise, God is all around us and He gives us life, but we don’t recognize His presence. I can’t ignore the reality around me.
We never find God; God finds us. In a world where all we ever think about is “what do I have to do next,” we often take the credit for our faith when we finally “find God.” God was never hiding. He does not need to be found. We are actually playing a game of “hide and seek” with Him, as He tries to find all of us, rather than a game of “sardines,” where only God hides and everyone tries to find Him.
It is always us who runs away and needs to be found. If God is Hosea, faithfully pursuing us, we are His Gomer, turning away from Him over and over again, seeking comfort and refuge in someone or something else. I remember being so frustrated for the longest time because God had not found me yet, despite how hard I thought I was pursuing Him. However, God works in His own timing, and it is by His grace anyway that He chose to find me and come to my rescue. Nothing we do will make us more deserving, or even undeserving, of His gift of salvation.
Perhaps one day I will post my full testimony, how God has worked to show Himself in this microscopic portion of His story that is my life. “Testimony,” in Hebrew, means “do it again” – telling someone your testimony is meant to edify others through reminding them that God wants to and will find and save someone again. One of my favorite questions to ask fellow brothers and sisters is why they believe, hoping it’ll strengthen my faith, as well as theirs, to see how God has worked in their lives. It is incredible how simple yet perfect the reasons can be, ranging from “I like the peace within” to “joy.”
My testimony thus far boils down to two “events.” During a fast about a year ago, I broke down upon reading in Crazy Love the words “Heavenly Father, thank You for Your grace. Your forgiveness is SO good that I struggle with believing it at times. Thank You for rescuing me from myself and giving me Your Holy Spirit. Your love is better than life.”
Your love is better than life.
His love is one that we cannot even fathom. His love is greater than everything. If He wasn’t there, we’d all be broken. A C.S. Lewis quote that epitomized my life was, “It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” Life on earth is making mud pies, and sometimes we don’t even recognize what this vacation at the beach is and how infinitely greater it is. The only sane response to His love is a wholehearted devotion to Jesus.
One particular Sunday, as we sang the Bethel Music song “You Have Won Me,” particularly the lyrics “washed, whiter than snow. You have redeemed and made me whole,” I could not stop myself from crying. I’d been feeling so broken and so bound to things of this earth. Yet there was so much freedom to be had in giving up all of these things and just following Him. That was the day that I committed my life to God, knowing that God’s love was enough, more than enough even, and that nothing on this earth could even compare. Everything pales in comparison to His glory and eternity.
I used to think I would have no testimony. I don’t have a dramatic, “rock bottom” experience that some seem to go through and I was incredibly envious of, until I realized that God touches us and allows us to experience Him in unique ways, perfectly tailored to who we are, knowing exactly when and what we need from Him. It was never about creating more brokenness in my life to realize I needed Him; it was about opening my eyes to all that brokenness inside me. Just like how God had always been there, all around me, that brokenness and darkness had been there all along too, just waiting to be healed by the one true source of light and love. Nothing on this earth can fix all the brokenness already within.
I was made for another world.