The New Guy Trap

Today’s post is just some casual reflection on the past year of my life, what I never wanted but needed to learn. Ladies, I know you feel me on this one. You meet a guy at some event or through a mutual friend, have an incredible conversation with this complete stranger, and leave that surreal moment singing in your head Taylor Swift’s aptly named “Enchanted” – “Please don’t be in love with someone else. Please don’t have somebody waiting on you.”

New is enticing. New is surprising and interesting and mysterious. New is new. Especially as curious spirits intrigued by the unknown, as we all know Eve was by the Tree of Knowledge, we can’t help that we want to know more about this new stranger who has proven to be somewhat worthy of our time, based on that one interaction we had with him.

But new can also be dangerous. When we start idealizing someone else, they become our idol. When we start to spend all our time with them, with the excuse of simply ‘trying to get to know him,’ we inevitably neglect all the other relationships and responsibilities in our lives. Our judgment clouds and we miss opportunities out of sacrifice for that relationship, for that person that we’ve only known a few weeks or months.

The very real and often overlooked reality is that people come and go in our lives. People are not all that they might seem at first, and that relationship that you thought was so permanent and everlasting can vanish in an instant. What I’ve slowly begun to appreciate is my network of girl friends who are always there to support me when life gets hard, and even better, when life is great. The mark of a true friend is someone who sticks around for all the good times, the ones who rejoice with you and understand how important and exciting something must be for you. But what happens when that new guy in your life becomes a problem? You obviously can’t talk to him about him, not in the way that you can to your girl friends. I think that’s why I’ve slowly begun to see, as I’ve gotten older, that complicated relationships take more effort than we initially think. That’s why I call it the ‘new guy trap’ – we don’t see the effects/consequences of our rash decisions until later. I wouldn’t say they’re not necessarily worth it, especially if it pans out someday, but for now, I think I can appreciate the beauty of genuine sisterhood.

Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation [1 Peter 2:2]. We take baby steps, starting with milk before we can eat solid food. However, we must realize that we have to mature; we cannot be spiritual infants forever after we were first saved. Part of growing up is making those decisions about who we want to be, how we want and can love God in every little decision of obedience for Him. If you love Me, you will keep my commandments [John 14:15].


But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. [James 1:25]


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