What happens when even our God-given desires take over our love for God?
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? [James 4:1,4]. We are constantly at war with ourselves and with God. This past quarter in college, I’ve been taking on a lot more commitments. An internship, another internship, a homelessness project, photography club, evangelism training, serving at another church, and fellowship. Oh yeah, and class. I always forget about class. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I’m here to do all these other things, and class becomes an afterthought, or even nuisance, though I know I should feel grateful and incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to even go to college. I’m just feeling close to burning out though. Even listing out all those commitments was exhausting.
Right now, I’m an unplugged fan. That power outlet is my life source, and when I’m initially unplugged, I might be able to muster a few more turns, but after a while, I can’t sustain it. Pretty soon, my blades will stop turning. I’ll just be collecting dust and my paint will start chipping. When someone finally decides to plug me in again, all I’ll do is blow around the dust that’s been collecting on my blades.
Without God, the source of my life, I’ll burnout and stop serving my purpose. Sure, maybe it can seem like I can live without God for a little bit, like I have the energy and motivation to live my life, but after a while, I won’t be able to keep it up. I’ll just keep collecting baggage in my life, because I’m not giving it all to God. So when I do start living my life powered by God again, it’ll be a little rusty – all that baggage will still be there initially, all those chips on my shoulder, until I decide to get cleaned up and let God renew and change me.
Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man…. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! [Romans 1: 22-23, 25]. I think I’ve been exchanging the truth that God is enough for me for the lie that I have to do all these things and justifying them to myself by saying that God placed these desires and passions in my heart. But I’m tired. I’m tired because I’ve been worshipping all these other pursuits, worshipping the created rather than the Creator. These things, in and of themselves, are not life-giving, because they can’t be apart from the true life source, God. The more we hold on to them, the more life we’re letting go of, when we lose sight of God in it all.
I give it all to You, God, trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me. I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open. There’s nothing I hold on to. [‘Nothing I Hold On To’ – Will Reagan]