People told me sophomore year of college would be tough. I always laughed. I always thought I could overcome anything. That’s just pride though. We think we can do anything, be anything, if we just try hard enough. Sophomore year is one of those things where you think, “How hard can it really be?” before you get kicked in the face by life. I have no idea how sophomore year would’ve been without God in my life. I shudder to even consider the possibility. Continue reading “Life | No. 11”
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. [James 1:19-20]
Yesterday, one of the sprinklers went off on my dorm floor, and the water ended up reaching my room. I didn’t think much of it at first when I heard, because my roommates told me our room’s floor wasn’t entirely soaked yet. My guitar, the one item I thought might get ruined, was untouched (honestly it was saved by the grace of God). We were still able to laugh about this whole situation back then. I just grabbed some essentials and left them in a friend’s room, in case we couldn’t go back to our room for the night.
Later in the day, we were told we actually needed to move out of our room completely because all the carpet and furniture needed to be replaced. After being assigned temporary rooms for the next 3-4 weeks, we packed up literally everything, as if this was finals week already and we were moving out for the summer. But we weren’t. We were only moving out because of a faulty sprinkler system.
Anger quickly flooded my heart. I kept asking myself why this was happening to us right in the middle of midterm season, why we had to move everything out (we all have a lot of stuff, and a fridge and filing cabinet that needed to be moved, so it was quite an ordeal). I just didn’t understand, so my natural default of anger just slipped out. On Friday night though, we went through James 1, and I could feel God trying to convict me over and over again through this experience that I am quick to anger, which does not produce righteousness. When I’m quick to anger, it’s because I’m entitled. It’s because I am not thinking things through. It’s because things are not going how I would want them to, if things were actually under my control. But life is never under my control.
It never ceases to amaze me how well the Bible understands our condition, our tendencies. God always also seems to speak to us in the right moments, reminding us of really how much we need to be saved.
Cause I need You Jesus to come to my rescue. Oh where else can I go. There is no other name by which I am saved. [‘Rescue’ – Desperation Band]
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. [Romans 7:18-19]
I just do not listen. Countless times I’ve gotten feedback about my life, how to de-stress, re-prioritize. All I hear is my own voice above the noise.
Life, as it is now, always seems to boil down to one thing right now: career. Not even school. Not even God. Career. Last Friday, I returned from work feeling distressed. As I was talking to my small group leader about the upcoming spring quarter, the tears could not be held back. Thinking about the volunteering commitment I would be returning to and a new writing internship, on top of my current internship, job, writing projects, fellowship, and four classes, my chest felt tight. Sometimes I struggle to remember to even breathe and slow down. Continue reading “Life | No. 9”
I’m not very good at speaking truth to people. I found that out in 4th grade, when some of my friends and I thought it would be a good idea to tell our “friend” that she needed to change, since she was spreading lies between all of us. Even adults can’t handle the truth, I have no idea why we thought a child, our peer, could handle hearing something like that. Quite expectedly, she cried. And that was the end of my truth telling. I decided to take a more passive approach with friends, watching almost from the sidelines, giving suggestions, but never anything concrete.
That’s not enough for Christian life. Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted [Galatians 6:1-2]. We live together to catch each other when we stumble. Continue reading “Life | No. 8”
If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, not is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. [John 13:14-16]
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to volunteer at a carnival for the homeless, and my friends and I signed up to be feet washers, since the opportunity to do such a humbling task rarely, if ever, comes up. The past two weeks have been a period of trivial deliberation, as I was unsure if I would go to this event or to my mandatory internship training, as I believed I would get fired if I didn’t go. Ultimately, I still chose this event anyway, at the expense of my professional character and potential career, because I cannot pass up such opportunities for personal growth. Ultimately, the things of this world are not as important as we make them out to be. Continue reading “Life | No. 7”
I find myself getting competing advice all the time. Obviously, not everyone can be right. Continue reading “Life | No. 6”
I don’t know how to start this post. I really don’t. All I know is I want to write about this, but I have no idea where I’m going with this.
Commitments are hard. Commitments to God seem infinitely harder. Humans simply do not like to commit – we like to have options, a plan B, C, D, and E for when circumstances change so that we can still please ourselves. We constantly live in the grey area between right and wrong because we don’t even know what it’s like to have perfect judgment. We are not sinners because we sin. We sin because we are sinners [R. C. Sproul]. We are sinners. That is our identity. As sinners, our commitment naturally is not to God, it’s to ourselves.
This week, I broke one of the commitments I made in faith to love God. A guy I had an unhealthy friendship with and had to let go of several months ago asked me out of the blue to talk. Unsure of what to do, I finally agreed, since we are called to reconcile. Ultimately, we talked, and after apologizing, he wanted things to go back to ‘normal,’ to how we used to be. But how we were was never actually normal. We should never go back to our ‘normal,’ since most of our friendship was marked by one of us having feelings for the other. So if we can’t go back to our ‘normal,’ what should we even be? Continue reading “Life | No. 5”